This American Life : Babysitting

Ira Glass
We've arrived at Act 3 of our program.

 

Act Three: Yes There Is A Baby

 

This is a story that caught our interest because of babysitting, but then it ended up being about so many other things besides. A man in Florida named Myron Jones wrote us this letter. He said that when he was 16 years old, growing up without a dad in Buffalo, New York, he was allowed to stay out till midnight.

He came and went as he pleased. Spent a lot of time in bars, actually. This was the 1940s. But his sister Carol, she had different rules, and she wasn't let out of the house at all, even though she was older than Myron. This story gets to babysitting in a big, big way. And I called him to talk about it.

Myron Jones
She had to say exactly where she was going, who she was going with. She could go to church dances, but only some church dances. It all had to do with protecting her chastity, really.

Ira Glass
If one were to ask your mother at the time, what would she have said?

Myron Jones
She said you've got to be more careful with the girls.

Ira Glass
Yeah.

Myron Jones
Spelled P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T. So my sister figured out a little scheme. She invented a family called the McCrearys. Said they needed her to babysit. And I remember when she first told me about it. She said listen, guess what I did, I made up a family. I said what do you mean? I made up this family I babysit for, they're called the McCrearys.

Ira Glass
It seemed clear once I got talking to Myron Jones that his sister Carol, might have a few thoughts about all this. And we gave her a call. She agreed to go into a studio and chat. She says if anything, her brother was understanding just how strict the mother was with her.

Carol Jones
She used to follow me. She had a friend. We called them Sam Spade and the fat man. And they would follow us. And then I'd go home, and she'd come in and say where have you been. It was-- it was really, really hard. She didn't believe anything I ever said.

Ira Glass
And were you a pretty good kid, good student in school?

Carol Jones
I was, you know, for a long time I thought that, oh, I was terrible. My mother started calling me a whore before I had any idea what the word was. And I couldn't look it up, because it didn't know it was spelled. I couldn't find it.

Ira Glass
Wow.

Carol Jones
And so, it occurred to me that if I had a family, a non-existent family, I could go, I could say I was going there.

Myron Jones
Carol started working out the details. Because whenever she babysat, my mother had to have the phone number so she could check up on her. So the man in the family was an FBI agent, working on a top secret project, so he could not give his phone number to anyone at all. He also couldn't let anyone but my sister, the babysitter, know just where they lived. It would have been dangerous for him to do so.

Ira Glass
So, how far did this go? How complicated did the story of the McCrearys get?

Myron Jones
It got very complicated. They had two kids. Michael was three and Laura was two. That happened to be the age separation between my sister and myself, but it was reversed. Sometimes the little boy in particular would try to test us. And I'd let him get away with it. But my sister wouldn't. And they had all kinds of toys, but not too many toys. And they liked their parents very much, loved their parents. They were easy, they weren't spoiled in any way.

Ira Glass
They sound like very special kids.

Myron Jones
Oh, yeah, they were great. They were like no kids I ever met really. I think, I think in many ways they had the life my sister wished that we'd had.

Carol Jones
I had them rent a cottage at the lake for the summer.

Ira Glass
So the McCrearys had a summer house.

Carol Jones
Yes.

Ira Glass
And did they require your services at the summer house?

Carol Jones
Yes, indeed. They knew that the kids would enjoy it so much more if we were there. And it was we, because both my brother and I always liked little kids a lot, you know. So my mother would accept this quite readily, you know, that they wanted the both of us out at the lake. It was wonderful. We had such a good summer. I mean, it was glorious.

Ira Glass
What would you do?

Carol Jones
Well, we just-- sometimes if we knew someone out there-- sometimes kids we knew would have cottages, you know kids used to get together and chip in, or their parents would have a cottage. Sometimes we'd just sleep on the beach, which was great. I'd love sleeping on the beach.

Ira Glass
I have to say every time you talk about the freedom you got, your voice becomes completely different. It's like you can still taste it.

Carol Jones
I still remember what that was like. It offered freedom that was just so wonderful to me.

Myron Jones
We really got all of this from our mother, this notion of fantasy people. Our mother had, from the time we were young kids, younger than 10, our mother had three people that she went to see. None of them existed, and we always knew they didn't exist.

Ira Glass
Really?

Myron Jones
Yeah.

Ira Glass
Who were they?

Myron Jones
One was a lawyer. And she wouldn't say what she was doing there, but she'd drop little hints. And what we were supposed to believe was that was making arrangements to put us in an orphanage. The second person she saw was a psychiatrist, which she pronounced psycholorgist-- interesting. And she went there because he would tell her that we were driving her crazy.

Ira Glass
I see.

Myron Jones
And the third person was a doctor, who told her she was going to die. And we had no idea where in fact she went, but she was never gone long enough to see anyone at all.

Ira Glass
So in other words, she would literally-- this wasn't just something she would say to you, well, I've been to a psychiatrist and he tells me that you're driving-- that you guys are driving me crazy. She would actually leave the house and go to her appointment.

Myron Jones
Yeah, she'd say-- she'd say-- she'd go for the door, and when we were young, we'd say where you going, Ma, because it was so unusual for her to go out, except to work. And she'd say wouldn't you like to know? Oh, OK. Is it your doctor? As we got older, she'd say, maybe. And so that was her game.

Ira Glass
In retrospect, where do you think she was going?

Myron Jones
I have no idea. I think she walked around the block a couple of times.

Ira Glass
So at some point, your mother must have wanted to meet them, right?

Myron Jones
No, she was-- shy isn't the word for her. But she didn't like knowing people at all. She didn't know the people next door. She didn't want to know them. So she was really deliberately isolated. But the McCrearys were far and away her favorite topic of conversation. My mother would ask questions about them. And then Carol would give her far more information and she asked for.

Ira Glass
Say more of what you remember of what she would tell her.

Myron Jones
Well, one was that Mrs. McCreary was very intelligent, and lovely, and very kind. She was my sister's fantasy of a mother. And she was my fantasy of an older woman who might fall in love with me, and with any luck at all seduce me.

Ira Glass
So wait, would you talk about it with your mom too?

Myron Jones
Yeah, my sister started that. I was a little uncomfortable about it. My sister said I think he's got a crush on her. And I would almost blush, uncomfortably, because I did.

Ira Glass
And then your mom would ask you questions. For example, what color hair does she have?

Myron Jones
No, she didn't ask questions like that. She never asked questions like that.

Ira Glass
So what would she ask?

Myron Jones
She'd say, well, I hope you act right over there. What do they think of you? And then the question she to this day asks, well, what do they think of your mother? And Carol would say, give the right answer, which is they think you're wonderful, mom. It was a way of having a conversation with her.

Ira Glass
And a kind of in-depth conversation.

Myron Jones
That's right. She liked to hear about fancy people. She imagined somehow that it would all rub off on Carol.

Ira Glass
That they'd be a good influence somehow.

Myron Jones
They'd be a good influence and there might even be some money in it. Carol also handled-- because she wasn't getting any money from babysitting, she said that Mr. McCreary was taking all the babysitting money and putting it into stocks and bonds.

Ira Glass
Wait, wait, hold it, just back up.

Myron Jones
Yeah, Carol knew she was going to ask, so she anticipated it. Carol said, before it could even come up, Carol said Mr. McCreary isn't going to pay me. He's going to pay all my babysitting money into stocks and bonds. My mother didn't know anything about stocks and bonds, and neither did we. But my mother knew that that's what rich people did. And it was over on the other side of town, the rich side of town.

Ira Glass
Right.

Myron Jones
My mother didn't know anything about that neighborhood. She was the oldest of seven children, grew up in a very really poor family. My mother had one friend who was middle class, who she'd met when my father was still alive. And she influenced my mother. And so did the people that my mother cleaned for.

At the end of the summer, it was the last weekend. And that was near the real change in the McCreary time.

Ira Glass
Well, what happened at the end of the summer?

Myron Jones
We really were exhausted from our summer, from our real summer weekends.

Ira Glass
The strenuous work of having fun with your friends.

Myron Jones
Yeah, right. And those times when there was no cottage to go to, and we'd sleep out on the beach, and we were going home, and we headed up the back stairs. We always had to go in the back way. We headed up the back stairs, and we'd go to the second floor.

And we could tell before we turned the corner that our mother was outside the door, waiting for us. And we turned, and there she was. And she looked ready to kill. She looked absolutely furious. She said well, where you too been? And I though, oh, god, she found out all about the summer cottage stuff.

And Carol said, you know where we've been, ma, at the McCrearys. And my mother said, oh, yeah. Well, you're a couple of damn liars. I just got off the phone with Mrs. McCreary. She hasn't seen you in weeks.

Carol Jones
My brother and I agree, we didn't breathe. We thought, oh, my god, she's talked to them. And then as quickly, we realized, of course she didn't talk to them.

Myron Jones
Carol got over it immediately, and said, sorry, Ma. Nice try. We just left the McCrearys 10 minutes ago. Went in the house. She didn't say anything to us, we didn't say anything to her. And after that, we really stopped talking about the McCrearys.

Ira Glass
Did she often claimed that she had run into the McCrearys?

Carol Jones
Yes, that she'd talked to her, that she hadn't seen me. She did it so often. She believed this. It was amazing, but she never questioned these things.

Ira Glass
Why do you think she didn't question it?

Carol Jones
I think she wanted it to be true, probably as much as I did.

Ira Glass
It's interesting, when you invented-- when you invented them, it's as if you invented them in terms that would reassure your mom.

Carol Jones
Yeah, I probably did. I don't think that-- well, you know, it did. I'm sure it did occur to me that I wanted a family that would please her.

Ira Glass
Is that because-- is that because it would make her more likely to let you out? Or was there a part of it where you also were the kind of kid where you always needed to be reassuring her anyway?

Carol Jones
Oh, I had to constantly reassure her, always. I mean, it isn't something I talk easily about, but she really never liked me. That was the problem.

Ira Glass
Is your mom still alive?

Myron Jones
Yeah.

Ira Glass
So how old is she now?

Myron Jones
94.

Ira Glass
How old are you?

Myron Jones
I'm going to be 70 in another 10 days.

Ira Glass
So have you ever come clean with her on this?

Myron Jones
Oh, no, never. Do you want me to make my mother look like a liar?

Ira Glass
In the sense, you already have. It's just a question of whether she's going to know it.

Myron Jones
Right. No, it never crossed my mind to do it.

Ira Glass
Are you serious? It's never crossed your mind?

Myron Jones
To tell her? No, never.

Ira Glass
Because she wouldn't be able to laugh about it, it sounds like.

Myron Jones
Not in any way. She might simply say that we were lying now, that there were McCrearys and we were just saying that for some reason.

Ira Glass
Does it make you sad that you can't have the kind of relationship with your mom, where now that everyone's an adult, you know, you can't come straight with all of it?

Myron Jones
No, my sister and I-- I think because of, because of going away to school when I was so young-- let me back up a little bit. When I was nine, I came home on a Saturday afternoon, and my mother said, I'm sorry you weren't here, because Father Sager, who was an Episcopal priest, was here visiting. And he found a very nice orphanage for you.

And I said, but I'm not an orphan, Ma. She said, no, I know. I told Father Sager that. But he said, really you are, because I have to work all the time, and there's no one to take care of you. And I said, well, we take care of ourselves. And she said, I need to tell Father Sager that, but he said, not really. You go there, it'll be a good place for you. You go there.

I was close to-- I was in my 30s before I understood why I went away to school when I was 10. I didn't have to. I could have not gone. I could have screwed up the test. I could have gone and gotten kicked out right away. I knew that. One of the things that our mother did with us, from the time we were very young.

I can't remember before, but I know before I went to school, my mother used to say to us, when your father died, everybody told me to put the two of you in an orphanage. I didn't, and that was the biggest mistake of my life. So when the day came, I came home, and she said, Father Sager found an orphanage for you, what I really did was say, you've been threatening me with this all my life, and now, damn it, I'm going to go.

Ira Glass
Yeah.

Myron Jones
And it felt safer. I was scared as hell. I was one of two kids in the sixth grade. The other kid never showed up. I went to all classes alone for six weeks. And after six weeks, I went home. And I was-- it was late October, already dark in Buffalo, and around supper time. And I was walking down the street, and I loved my neighborhood. I knew everybody. I looked, and the lights were on, thinking it's warm in there. That's people-- that's Sonny Calucci's house. That's his house. They're in there. And I have a house too.

I go to school now, but I have a house too. And I'm almost there. And I walked in the door, and I started to hug my mother. And my mother put out her hand to hold me back, and said, now, let me ask you a question. When you're up there at that fancy school, do you ever think about your mother, lying here in bed, crying her eyes out every single night? You ever think about that? Nah, you never think about anybody but yourself. And I literally from that moment on have never asked my mother for anything, never looked to her for anything.

Ira Glass
How old were you then?

Myron Jones
I was 10.

Carol Jones
Through the years, I have truly envied him that he has been able to do that, and that I have been unable to do that, not believing that I'm going to get anything from her. I know I haven't. But I have never, I haven't been able to this moment to just take her out of my life completely.

Ira Glass
How often do you see her now?

Carol Jones
Do I see her?

Ira Glass
Yeah.

Carol Jones
I'm now seeing her twice a week. I mean, I call her every night, which is all something to do with me. Because she doesn't know that I call her every night.

Ira Glass
Because she's becoming senile?

Carol Jones
Yes.

Ira Glass
What do you think you've gotten by being the one caring for her?

Carol Jones
One time, when I was 35, I lashed out at her in such a way, and told her how I felt about her, and she sat in a chair in the kitchen, and she was crying. And I had never even seen her cry before. And when I finally stopped talking, she said, I did the very best I could. And I thought, oh, my god, she did. Her best was so bad. Her best was so empty. But she couldn't do any better.

I decided, and it helps me a lot-- I have a great aunt that I just adored, and her mother, my mother's mother, who was wonderful, and my great-grandmother, who I didn't know, but who adored my mother, my mother slept in bed with her, I thought I'm going to do this for the people that loved her, you know, all of the people that really loved this little girl, I'm going to do it for them. And it feels-- that feels fine to me.

Ira Glass
You know what you're describing is you and your sister going off and pretending to babysit for these imaginary kids. But in fact, you guys had a babysitting job, and it was for your mom.

Myron Jones
That's right. My sister was the chief babysitter. It's true.

Ira Glass
At the time, when you were kids, did you-- when you were kids, did you ever see it that way? Oh, we're taking care of mom. She thinks she's taking care of us, but we're taking care of her?

Myron Jones
Oh, yeah. There was a kind of humoring her, and placating her. And when I was about 10, she gave me a first baseman's glove, because I was going to be a major league ball player when I grew up. And she said, you tell people who gave you the glove? I said yeah. You tell them how much it cost? I didn't, but I said, yeah. She said, you tell them how long I had to work to buy that? I said, yeah. She said, you did not.

Ira Glass
Let's set the record straight. Here we go, you're on the radio. How long did your mother have to work to buy you the baseball glove?

Myron Jones
She had to work a week.

Ira Glass
That's a long time.

Myron Jones
Absolutely, I've thought about it since then. Have I ever given my kids a present that was worth a week's wages? No, I haven't.

Ira Glass
Mr. Jones, what would have happened if there hadn't been the McCrearys?

Myron Jones
The McCrearys seemed absolutely inevitable. I never thought about what would happen if they hadn't been there.

Ira Glass
Wow.

Myron Jones
They had to be there. I still think we would be in-- let's see, they would be 56, 57 years old now. I've wondered where they're living, how they're doing?

Ira Glass
Where do you picture them?

Myron Jones
I picture them doing very well. And kind of dull now.

Ira Glass
Really.

Myron Jones
Yeah. I don't picture them as being terribly interesting. They're more conservative than their parents. But nice, pleasant, good people.

Ira Glass
Where do you think they're living?

Myron Jones
I'm afraid I think they're living in Florida.

Ira Glass
They are, not too far from where you are.

Myron Jones
I may run into them in the store.

Ira Glass
Myron and Carol said there was no way their mother would ever hear this story on the radio. And the fact is she never did. The story was first broadcast in 2001. She died at the age of 95 in 2002. After she died, Carol told Myron this secret that she had promised her mother she would never tell him.

It turns out her mom didn't actually buy that baseball glove for Myron. Their uncle bought the glove. And when it arrived at the house wrapped as a gift, Myron's mom intercepted it, gave it to him, and pretended it was from her all along. Carol lives in California. Myron, who was a model of grace and good humor in that interview, died in 2011 at the age of 80. Lovely man.

[SONG - THE PERFECT NANNY, MARY POPPINS]