Give a Boy a Gun
by Todd Strasser

 

The Dance

I hid behind the refreshment table. There were three of us there. The other two were preppy, semipopular kids. The kind who hang around on the fringes of the popular clique and get invited in when they need a crowd, like to a game or a dance or a big party. Those two were scared !&*#less. I really think they believed that if Brendan and Gary found them, they’d shoot them.

—Allison Findley

I told them to stop shooting at the ceiling. That a ricocheting bullet could kill someone as easily as an aimed one. One of them instantly fired off another burst. He had to know that the ricochets could have hit him as easily as anyone else. I had to assume he didn’t care. I think I’m a reasonably good judge of kids’ moods. I can tell when they’re putting on an act and bluffing. Believe me, these boys were not putting on an act.

— Dick Flanagan

You want to hear something ironic? The school is about twenty years old, and I recall that there was some argument over the size of the gym when the building designs were first considered. Some people felt it was too large and they were spending too much money on it. But you want to know why I think no one was seriously hurt by a ricocheting bullet? Because that gym is so darn big.

—Allen Curry

I remember wondering why they didn’t start shooting kids right away. And I thought, Oh, no, killing us isn’t the point. They have some stupid message they want us to hear first

— Deirdre Bunson

Why did they bring flashlights and snacks? Because they weren’t planning just to kill those kids. They were going to make them suffer. Just like those kids had made us suffer.

—Allison Findley

I’ve got pretty broad shoulders, but my arms are short because I’m stocky and not all that tall. Plus they’re pretty bulked up from lifting [weights]. It’s actually not that easy for me to cross my hands behind my back. They put a tie around my wrists, but it wasn’t all that tight. I had some wiggle room.

— Paul Burns

Was I surprised when I heard about it? Yeah, for like a second, but not really. Look at it as a form of torture. Day in and day out. Society makes you go to school, and then the society in school tortures you. You realize there’s no way out. Everyone has a breaking point. Sooner or later everyone will snap. Maybe if Brendan and Gary hadn’t snapped, someone else would have.

—Ryan Clancy

The first bomb went off while they were still tying everyone up. It sounded like it came from outside. Someone asked, “What was that?” and Brendan said it was a warning that they didn’t want anyone bothering them. The kids were already so scared they were crying and whimpering. But that bomb just added a whole other dimension of fear. It was one of the many moments that night when I was sure we were all going to die.

—Beth Bender

It was awful. They made us crawl on our stomachs into the center of the gym. The floor was dusty and you had to put your face on it. Then one of them kept an eye on us while the other made some of the girls get up and go sit with their backs to the doors. I wasn’t surprised they picked girls. They wouldn’t have dared let boys stand up.

—Deirdre Bunson

They were talking about what they were going to do with Sam. And they were talking loud because they wanted everyone to hear. They wanted him to roll over on his back so they could shoot him in the knee. They didn’t want to shoot him in the back of the knee, because they weren’t sure if that would cripple him or not. They wanted to shoot him in the kneecap. They wanted to make sure he’d be ruined for life.

—Paul Burns

They kept kicking me in the head and the arms and ribs. My hands were tied behind my back, and there was nothing I could do. It hurt worse than anything that ever happened on a football field. They wanted me to roll over so they could shoot me in the knee. I just didn’t want to give in. All I could think about was next year’s football season. It couldn’t end this way. It just couldn’t.

— Sam Flach

Try to picture this: fifty or sixty kids lying facedown on that hard gym floor with their hands tied behind their back. Crying, whimpering, blubbering, calling out for mercy, pleading to be let go. It was like these guys were hunters and we were a bunch of seals, and they were trying to decide which ones to slaughter first.

—Dustin Williams

I’ve been a hunter and gun collector all my life, as well as a dues-paying member of the National Rifle Association for close to thirty years. But when I think that it was my guns that those boys used. That those were my bullets they fired. . . . Sure, you can say that if they hadn’t stolen them from me, they would have stolen them from someone else, but they didn’t. Those were my guns. And now I have to live with that.

—Jack Phillips

It was hard for me to keep an eye on both of them, but each time I thought they weren’t looking, I’d try to work my hands free. I was pretty sure I could get them loose.

—Paul Burns

[The bullet wound] hurt like the dickens. I kept expecting to black out or taste blood in my mouth, but strangely, other than the pain, I felt okay.

—Allen Curry

You couldn’t see much. You’d try to lift your head and look around, but after a while your neck muscles would go into spasms and you’d have to put your head back down on that disgusting floor.

— Deirdre Bunson

They shot Sam in both knees. You heard the shots and you heard Sam scream. Some of the teachers started shouting, but they were drowned out by more shots, and the sound of the bullets ricocheting all over the ceiling again and more lights shattering. Gary and Brendan yelled at the teachers to shut up. They weren’t just out to get the jocks. They were out to get everyone.

— Dustin Williams

I was lying a few feet from Deirdre. She went nuts when they shot Sam in the knees. I really believe she stopped caring about herself. She screamed at Brendan and called him a bastard. She called him a scared little worm and dared him to put down the gun. She went, “Then we’ll see how tough you are.”

Everyone tried to lift their head to see. I saw Brendan step toward her. Deirdre stopped talking. He knelt down and pressed the barrel of the gun against her cheek. She cried out and jerked away. I think the barrel was hot, and it must have burned her face.

I remember what he said: “Hey, cheerleader, think I give a crap about whether you think I’m tough or not? I already know I’m not tough. You want to know how I know? Because you and your A-hole friends have reminded me every single day since I moved here.”

He pressed the barrel of the gun right into the back of her neck. It was really sadistic. Deirdre started to whimper and begged him not to shoot her. Gary came over and said something about Deirdre having an accident. They both started to laugh. One of the teachers—Mr. Flanagan, I think—yelled at them, and they fired another shot into the gym floor. I felt the vibration against my cheek.

Brendan cursed and said he’d missed. Gary pointed out that he may have missed, but he’d made a nice hole in the wood.

—Paul Burns

After the autopsies, the newspapers said they hadn’t been on drugs, but if you ask me, they were acting like totally whacked-out maniacs. They ran around laughing and shooting up the gym floor. You could hear the wood cracking and splintering. I just kept praying they’d run out of ammunition.

— Dustin Williams

It was so scary when they started shooting at the floor. You just felt like they were completely psycho. They stopped because they heard my cell phone ring. My mom made me take it to the dance, and I gave it to Dustin to hold. Brendan went over and took it out of Dustin’s pocket.

They told you what he said, didn’t they? She asked if I was there, and Brendan said yes, but I couldn’t come to the phone just then. So my mom asked if I would call her back, and he said he doubted it because I’d probably be dead.

—Chelsea Baker

It was sick. I mean, the way they played with everyone’s heads. And that thing with the phone and Chelsea Baker’s mom . . . I don’t know, it was just completely sick.

—Paul Burns

Sam [Flach] was sobbing and making these horrible, bloodcurdling moans. Someone yelled out that if they didn’t get him help, he might bleed to death. And one of those boys smirked and said, “You think?” That’s exactly what they wanted. They wanted him to die a slow, wretched death.

—Deirdre Bunson

I heard a metallic clacking and clicking sound. At first I didn’t know what it was. I couldn’t bend around enough to see. Then I realized it was Brendan and Gary reloading.

—Beth Bender

I heard them reloading and looked over at Beth [Bender]. She gave me a miserable look. We’d both realized the same thing: These boys were well armed. They weren’t going to run out of bullets anytime soon.

— Dick Flanagan

Just because someone owns a gun, or likes to hunt or compete in shooting events, does not make him a so-called gun nut. Many people I know own hunting rifles and shotguns, and handguns for self-protection. I can tell you, however, that privately many of us are opposed to semiautomatics. The problem is that once the gun control people get semiautomatics banned, they will go after handguns. And once those are banned, do you know what will happen? Some nut will get ahold of a hunting rifle and kill a bunch of people. The gun control people will use that incident as an excuse to go after hunting rifles.

—Allen Curry

The police got the idea of using the loudspeaker system. We heard a voice come out of nowhere. It really took everyone by surprise, and they handled it very badly. Instead of trying to reason with the boys, they came on very threatening. Laying out what laws they’d broken and what the consequences would be, and how the longer they waited to lay down their weapons, the worse it would be for them.

I remember trying very hard to imagine what those boys were thinking now. And I thought, Oh, my God, it’s too late. They’re armed. They’re shooting. They’ve already wounded people. They’ve taken hostages. They’ve broken all these laws already. Real laws. Not baby don’t-smoke-in-school laws. If they walk out of here alive, they are going to go to jail for a long time. And we all know about that, don’t we? What they do to you in there. These poor, crazy boys. Maybe the jocks have tormented them here, but it will be a thousand times worse in jail

And that’s when I had an epiphany. Can’t you see why they were doing it? They had no protection. They couldn’t get away from the bullies and tormentors. Not here, not in jail, not anywhere. So why not kill them? Why not kill themselves? What difference would it make either way?

—Beth Bender

They started shooting at the ceiling. I assume they were trying to shoot out the speakers. The police shut down the electricity. You can understand why they did it, but when the gym went dark, it just made everything that much worse.

—Dick Flanagan

It went dark, and everyone on the floor just started crying and whimpering even more. It was really pathetic. Brendan and Gary turned on their flashlights. I was scared too. I didn’t think they’d shoot me, but I was afraid I might get killed if they blew up the gym or if the police tried to storm in. And as much as I hated Sam Flach, you just can’t let people suffer like that. So when it went dark, I yelled out to Gary that I was there.

—Allison Findley

As soon as it went dark, kids started inching away from the center of the gym. Those guys would sweep the flashlights over us, and it was like a bunch of giant inchworms crawling around. They yelled at us not to move and went around making sure [the ones who’d moved] went back. That’s when I really got to work trying to get my hands free.

—Paul Burns

It was dark. I don’t know why, but it reminded me of that scene at the end of Titanic where they’re all floating in the icy water, just trying to hold on for dear life. They kept sweeping their flashlights around, keeping an eye on everyone. So you’d see those silhouettes of people lying there. Just like in the movie, people were crying out for their loved ones and sobbing. It was really eerie.

—Chelsea Baker

[Later] I told the detectives that the boys appeared to be caught off guard when Allison called out in the dark. Those flashlight beams started swinging around wildly and then focused on the refreshment table. Allison was standing there. She held her hands up and squinted in the lights. When the boys saw her, Brendan seemed amused. He may have even said something like, “Whoa, this is one strange twist.” But Gary kept asking her what she was doing there. He was quite upset.

—Beth Bender

Look, who’s kidding who? I was scared to death, but when I heard Gary asking Allison why she was there, it scared me even more. You could tell that he expected something really bad to happen, and he didn’t want her to be part of it.

—Dustin Williams

When Allison said she thought they should do something to help Sam, the kids became extremely agitated. Up to that point you didn’t know whose side she was on.

— Dick Flanagan

It was a madhouse. I mean, twenty people started yelling at Allison at once. I guess they thought she could reason with those guys. Get them to give up or something.

— Paul Burns

Brendan started yelling at everyone to shut up, and there was a burst of gunfire. It was insane in the dark. You heard gunfire and had no idea who it was. Was it the police? Those guys? Someone else? And then in the middle of it that girl screamed.

—Dustin Williams

I was right next to Robin [Lewis], so when she screamed, I thought they’d shot her. Brendan was yelling at everyone to shut up, but the wailing and crying just tripled. It was beyond nightmarish.

—Beth Bender

 

 

Brendan’s Suicide Note

To the good people of Middletown:

I hope this gets printed in big, bold letters on the front page of the newspaper, because it’s something every single one of you should read. I’m gone now, and you want to know why I took your kids with me?

Here’s why. You made my friggin’ life miserable. How? By the way you raised your kids to all want to be the same and to hate anyone who dares to be a little different. Oh, no, you’re probably thinking, you didn’t do that.

You sure did. I’ve seen you in your cars staring at me and my friends. Look at those creeps. Look at their clothes and the music they listen to. Why can’t they go out for sports or at least root for our team?

Know what? Not everybody has to do what you A-holes want them to do. Maybe your kids did, but me and my friends chose not to. And you and your kids couldn’t deal with that. And so you had to do what stupid, ignorant people always do when they don’t understand—you had to attack and torment us.

And you teachers. I thought you taught us that America is supposed to be about freedom. Kids are supposed to be able to be different without the status quo police smashing us over the head and ridiculing us. But that’s all you teachers did to me and my friends. Just like everyone else, you tried to make us conform to your narrow-minded expectations of how we were supposed to dress and act.

Well, screw you. Screw all of you. I hope this letter is like a knife in your hearts. You ruined my life. All I’ve done is pay you back in kind.

Respectfully yours,

Brendan Lawlor