KEIGHLEY:
Here is our producer, Mr. William Keighley:
Act Two of "Miracle on 34th Street,"
starring Maureen O'Hara as Doris, John Payne as Fred, and Edmund Gwenn as Kris Kringle.
It was a frantic few hours that Doris spent last night, rushing out to the Brooks Memorial Home in Long Island and assuring Kris Kringle that Macy's wanted him back as Santa Claus. Now Kris is again presiding over the crowded toy department while in her office, Doris and Mr. Shellhammer...
DORIS:
Don't you understand, Mr. Shellhammer? That old man with the nice white whiskers insists that he is Santa Claus. Why, he's out of his mind. What if he should have a - a fit or something? Oh, no. I've got to tell Mr. Macy.
SHELLHAMMER:
Yes, but maybe he's only a little crazy. Anyway, you can't be sure until he's examined. We'll send him to Mr. Sawyer.
DORIS:
Sawyer?
SHELLHAMMER:
In personnel. He's paid to examine employees, isn't he? And now, by the way, what do you think of this?
DORIS:
What is it?
SHELLHAMMER:
A full page ad Macy's is running in tomorrow's newspapers.
DORIS:
Macy's is running it? But it's all about the other stores. Gimbels and Sak's--
SHELLHAMMER:
I know, I know. Mr. Macy's idea, to help our customers find what they want. It's revolting, isn't it? ...
DORIS:
That Santa Claus certainly has started something. Oh, well. I'll get ahold of him at his lunch hour and send him up to Mr. Sawyer.
KRIS:
So, I changed my clothes, Mr. Sawyer, and came right up.
SAWYER:
Oh. Well, then, that's your own beard, huh?
KRIS:
Hm? Oh, yes, yes.
SAWYER:
Mm. Interesting complex in back of that. Why do you carry a cane?
KRIS:
Always carry a cane, Mr. Sawyer. Well, that is, when I wear street clothes.
SAWYER:
Hmph.
KRIS:
I carved this cane out of a runner from one of my old sleighs.
SAWYER:
What's that? What's that?
KRIS:
With a fine, solid silver top.
SAWYER:
Who was the first president of the United States?
KRIS:
What? Oh, give me a difficult one. Like who was - who was vice president under James Monroe?
SAWYER:
I'm conducting this examination!
KRIS:
The answer is Daniel D. Tompkins.
SAWYER:
(GRUMBLES)
KRIS:
Yes. You're a - You're a rather nervous man, aren't you, Mr. Sawyer?
SAWYER:
Hm?!
KRIS:
Tell me, do you, um - do you get enough sleep?
SAWYER:
My personal habits are no concern of yours! Now, what hand am I holding up?
KRIS:
Right hand.
SAWYER:
How many fingers do you see?
KRIS:
Three. Oh dear, oh dear. You bite your nails, too. ...
SAWYER:
Stand up, now. Feet together. Arms extended.
KRIS:
Muscular coordination test. I've taken dozens of these tests. Mr. Sawyer -- are you happy at home?
SAWYER:
What?! That will be all, Mr. Kringle! The examination is over!
KRIS:
Thank you.
SAWYER:
And it may interest you to know I've been happily married for twenty-two years! Very happily married!
KRIS:
Delighted to hear it. Goodbye, Mr. Sawyer!
SAWYER:
Miss Prong!
MISS PRONG:
Yes sir?
SAWYER:
Get Mrs. Walker on the phone!
MISS PRONG:
Yes, sir. But your wife, Mr. Sawyer, she's called four times already.
SAWYER:
Well, you tell my big fat wife to shut up and mind her own business!
MISS PRONG:
Here's Mrs. Walker, sir.
SAWYER:
Oh. All right. Hello.
DORIS:
Oh, I was just going to call you, Mr. Sawyer.
SAWYER:
Oh?
DORIS:
There's a Dr. Pierce stopping by this afternoon at three.
SAWYER:
Who's Dr. Pierce?
DORIS:
He's the physician at the Brooks Home. I thought we might discuss Mr. Kringle's case with him.
SAWYER:
Well, there's hardly any point in discussing it, Mrs. Walker. Obviously, the old man should be discharged!
SAWYER:
So, Dr. Pierce, Kringle should be dismissed immediately and sent to a mental institution.
PIERCE:
Oh, now just a minute, Mr. Sawyer.
SAWYER:
Ah, he's deluded. Saying that he's Santa Claus!
PIERCE:
It's a delusion for good. I found he only wants to be friendly and helpful.
SAWYER:
His whole manner suggests aggressiveness. Look at the way he carries that cane. Mrs. Walker, naturally, I can't discharge that loony, so when he exhibits his maniacal tendencies, please realize -- -- the responsibility is completely yours!
DORIS:
Well, I'm right back where I started.
PIERCE:
Mrs. Walker, I assure you, Kris Kringle has no maniacal tendencies.
DORIS:
But if there's the slightest possibility of his causing any trouble--
PIERCE:
What trouble?
DORIS:
All that needs happen is a policeman asks his name. "Kris Kringle" -- clang clang! -- and Macy's Santa Claus lands up in the psychopathic ward.
PIERCE:
Well, you can prevent that very simply. Now, there must be someone here at the store who could rent him a room. Then they could both come to work together. I just as soon he avoided that long train ride to Long Island, anyway.
DORIS:
You mean, sort of take custody of him?
PIERCE:
Mm hm.
DORIS:
Do you think that Mr. Kringle would agree to that?
PIERCE:
Oh, I'm sure he'll agree.
DORIS:
Well, in that case-- Now, let me see. Who do I know who could rent him a room?
SUSAN:
I'm glad you're going to have dinner with us, Mr. Kringle.
KRIS:
Oh, thank you, Susan.
SUSAN:
I'm also very glad you're going to live next door with Mr. Gailey.
KRIS:
Oh? Why?
SUSAN:
Because you're nice to talk to.
KRIS:
Oh. I say, what a fine young man that Mr. Gailey is, eh? Just think, allowing me to share his apartment -- a mere stranger.
SUSAN:
He did it because Mother hinted to him.
KRIS:
Ohhh. Well, anyway, I'm very grateful.
SUSAN:
Shall I tell you what I did in school today?
KRIS:
Oh, by all means. Any games?
SUSAN:
Yes. And a very silly game, too.
KRIS:
Oh?
SUSAN:
They played "Zoo." And each child was supposed to be an animal!
KRIS:
Oh, but, Susan, they were just pretending.
SUSAN:
But that's what makes the game so silly.
KRIS:
Oh. Well, of course, in order to play games, you need imagination.
SUSAN:
Oh, uh, that's when you see things but they're not really there, huh?
KRIS:
Well -- yes. Yes, but, you know, to me, imagination is a place all by itself. Now, you've heard of the French nation?
SUSAN:
Mm hm.
KRIS:
And the British nation?
SUSAN:
Yes.
KRIS:
Well, this -- is the Imagination! ... A very interesting place, too. Now, how would you like to be able to make snowballs in summertime, eh?
SUSAN:
What?
KRIS:
Or be the Statue of Liberty in the morning -- and, in the afternoon, fly south with a flock of geese?
SUSAN:
Well, I'm quite sure I'd like it, but--
KRIS:
Oh, it's very simple. Really. Well, anyway, look here, the next time they play "Zoo," you can be a monkey.
SUSAN:
But I don't know how to be a monkey!
KRIS:
Don't you? Oh, I'll show you. Now first, you bend over a little like, uh, like this, see? Now, let your arms hang loose, see?
SUSAN:
Like this?
KRIS:
Yeah, that's fine. Fine. Now, put your hand over here -- and start scratching, see? That's it. That's it! That's excellent, Susan. That's as fine a bit of scratching as I've ever seen. Yeah. Now - now, you start chattering.
SUSAN:
Chattering?
KRIS:
Yes. Now, listen. See? And keep scratching. Now then, look here, we'll do it together, see? Chatter and scratch. And scratch and chatter. See? (CHATTERS LIKE A MONKEY)
SUSAN:
(CHATTERS LIKE A MONKEY)
KRIS:
That's fine, Susan, fine, you're doing beautifully! Beautifully! Yes!
KRIS:
Susan? Susan? Are you still awake?
SUSAN:
Uh huh.
KRIS:
I'm, uh, just coming to say good night, Susan, that's all. Now look here, about Christmas. There must be something you'd like for Christmas.
SUSAN:
Well, I've certainly thought about something, Mr. Kringle.
KRIS:
You have? Well, what is it, eh? Tell me.
SUSAN:
It's right here on the night table, see?
KRIS:
Oh?
SUSAN:
I tore this page out of a magazine. It's a picture of a house.
KRIS:
Oh ho! That's what you want, is it? A doll's house. Colonial architecture.
SUSAN:
Oh, not a doll's house. A real house.
KRIS:
A real house?
SUSAN:
Yes. And if you're really Santa Claus, you can get it for me.
KRIS:
Now, now, now, wait a minute, Susie. What could you possibly do with a big house?
SUSAN:
Live in it with my mother. And a backyard with a big tree to put a swing on, and a garden, and a-- Oh, well. Why even discuss it?
KRIS:
Susie - Susie, could I, uh, could I keep this picture? Just, uh-- Just in case?
SUSAN:
I guess so.
KRIS:
Thank you, dear, thank you. Well, Mr. Gailey's waiting for me. Goodnight, Monkey! (CHATTERS LIKE A MONKEY)
SUSAN:
Goodnight, Mr. Kringle!
FRED:
Take whichever bed you want, Mr. Kringle.
KRIS:
You're very kind, really. Tell me, Mr. Gailey, what is it you just do for a living?
FRED:
Oh, I'm a lawyer. Haislip, Haislip, Sherman and Mackenzie.
KRIS:
Oh. Oh. And you, uh, you like living here in the city?
FRED:
Well, it's convenient. But someday I'd like to get a place on Long Island.
KRIS:
Huh!
FRED:
Not a big house. Just one of those junior partner deals around Manhasset.
KRIS:
Oh, one of those little Colonial houses, hey?
FRED:
Yeah, yeah. A little Colonial house would be swell.
KRIS:
Good, good, yes. You're, um-- You're quite fond of Mrs. Walker, aren't you?
FRED:
A lot of good it does me. She lives in a cast iron shell that's just a little difficult to penetrate.
KRIS:
Oh. Well, you must try a little harder, Mr. Gailey. You know, Mrs. Walker and that child are a couple of lost souls. And it's up to us to help them.
FRED:
Oh?
KRIS:
Yes, she-- Oh, well. Shall I turn out the light?
FRED:
No, no, no.
KRIS:
No?
FRED:
I'm not gonna be cheated out of this. You know, all my life I've wondered about it, and now I'm going to find out. Tell me, does Santa Claus sleep with his whiskers outside or inside the covers?
KRIS:
Ohhh. Outside, of course. Outside, by all means. The cold air makes them grow.
FRED:
Oh, thank you very much.
MACY:
Oh, come in, Mrs. Walker, come in.
DORIS:
Thank you, Mr. Macy. I've just heard something very exciting.
MACY:
You have? Well, let me tell you something very exciting. Our policy of being kind to customers has tripled our sales! Now, what do you think of that?
DORIS:
That's wonderful, Mr. Macy. And Gimbels thinks it's wonderful, too.
MACY:
Gimbels?
DORIS:
Gimbels are adopting the same policy.
MACY:
Well, is that so?
DORIS:
And it gives me an idea. As long as Gimbels are doing the same thing, why not some pictures for the newspapers?
MACY:
Pictures?
DORIS:
Yes! You and Mr. Gimbel -- shaking hands.
MACY:
Shaking hands?! R. H. Macy and - and Gimbel?
DORIS:
Well-- Well, yes.
MACY:
Yes, yes, why not? With Santy Claus! It's a great idea, Mrs. Walker! Macy and Gimbel -- shaking hands.
BIZ:
PHOTOGRAPHERS ("Thank you, Mr. Gimbel." "Stand right there." "Smile.")
MACY:
Oh, that's enough pictures, gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you very much.
MACY:
Well, Mr. Gimbel?
GIMBEL:
Come on, R. H. Now we'll go over to my store and get some really good pictures.
MACY:
Oh, heh. Just a minute. I have something here for Santy Claus. Here you are, Mr. Kringle. A check in appreciation of all you've done.
KRIS:
Mr. Macy! Why, that's most kind of you.
GIMBEL:
I didn't think you were that generous, R. H. That's quite a check. What are you gonna do with it, Mr. Kringle?
KRIS:
Well, I have a friend. A Dr. Pierce. He needs a new x-ray machine.
MACY:
Buy the machine through the store. Ten percent discount.
GIMBEL:
Nonsense. Come over to Gimbels. We'll furnish it at cost.
KRIS:
Oh, keep it up, gentlemen, keep it up. ... At this rate, my friend'll have a whole new hospital!
ALFRED:
How did the pictures turn out, Mr. Kringle?
KRIS:
Oh, fine, Alfred, fine. How about a game of checkers during lunch, eh?
ALFRED:
Oh, not today, Kris. I - I don't feel so good.
KRIS:
Oh? What's the matter, Alfred?
ALFRED:
Oh, nothin' much. You remember I was telling you how I like to play Santa Claus over at the Y and give out packages to the kids?
KRIS:
Yes?
ALFRED:
Well, I was tellin' Mr. Sawyer about it and he says that's very bad. That psychologically it's all wrong.
KRIS:
Wrong? To be nice to children?
ALFRED:
Well, he says guys who play Santa Claus do it because when they was young they must've done somethin' bad and now they do something they think is good to make up for it, see? ... It's what he calls a "guilt complex."
KRIS:
Alfred -- what else has he found wrong with you?
ALFRED:
Oh, nothin' much. Just that I hate my father. ... I didn't know it, but he says I do.
KRIS:
Excuse me.
ALFRED:
Hey, ain't you gonna have lunch?
KRIS:
Later. Right now, I have an appointment -- with Mr. Sawyer!
SAWYER:
What do you mean, breaking into my office like this?
KRIS:
Are you a licensed psychiatrist?
SAWYER:
What business is it of yours?
KRIS:
I have great respect for psychiatry. And great contempt for meddling amateurs who go around practicing it.
SAWYER:
Oh -- shut up.
KRIS:
You ought to be horsewhipped. Taking a boy like Alfred and filling him up with complexes and phobias--
SAWYER:
I think I'm better equipped to judge that than you.
KRIS:
Just because Alfred wants to be kind to children, you tell him he has a guilt complex!
SAWYER:
Having the same delusion, you couldn't possibly understand.
KRIS:
Ohhhhh --
SAWYER:
And don't you wave that cane at me!
KRIS:
Either you stop analyzing Alfred or I'll go straight to Mr. Macy and tell him what a contemptible fraud you are!
SAWYER:
Oh, get out of here, get out of here before I have you thrown out!
KRIS:
There's only one way to handle a man like you. Maybe this'll knock some sense into you.
SAWYER:
Oooh! Oh, help! Oh, my head, my head. Oh, ho ho.
KRIS:
Good day, Mr. Sawyer.
SAWYER:
Miss Prong, get me the police! Get me Mrs. Walker! Get me the psychopathic ward in Bellevue Hospital!
NURSE:
You can see Mr. Kringle now, Mr. Gailey.
FRED:
Thank you, nurse.
FRED:
Hello, Kris.
KRIS:
Hello, Fred.
FRED:
Kris, I've been speaking to the doctors. They said they've given you some tests.
KRIS:
Oh, yes. Same old tests.
FRED:
Except this time you failed to pass them. Kris, you deliberately failed. Why?
KRIS:
Why? Well -- because I had great hopes, Fred. I had a feeling Mrs. Walker was beginning to believe in me, and now-- Well, now I discover she was only humoring me all the time.
FRED:
But this wasn't Doris' idea at all. Mr. Sawyer had you sent up here before she even knew about it.
KRIS:
But why - why didn't she come to me and explain things?
FRED:
Because she didn't want to hurt you.
KRIS:
Oh. Well, it's not just Mrs. Walker. It's-- Well, now, take Mr. Sawyer. He's contemptible, dishonest, deceitful-- Yet he's out there and I'm in here. Well, if that's normal -- I don't want it.
FRED:
But you can't just think of yourself, Kris. What happens to you matters to a lot of other people. People like me who believe in what you stand for, and people like-- Well, like Susie, who are just beginning to. Kris, you're letting us down.
KRIS:
I-- Well, Fred, maybe you're right. I-- Of course, you're right. I ought to be ashamed of myself. Let's get out of here.
FRED:
Now, wait a minute, you flunked your mental examination. But good.
KRIS:
Oh yes, so I did. Well, anyway, you're a lawyer. You fix it.
FRED:
Hey, look, I can't just--
KRIS:
Now I won't let you down, and you won't let me down.
FRED:
Kris, now take it easy. Look, there'll have to be a hearing. If you're going to be committed, it has to be before a judge.
KRIS:
Well?
FRED:
Well, if I can do anything at all, it'll have to be in a courtroom. Now, sit tight, Kris, I'll get an idea. I have to get an idea.
SAWYER:
You, er, sent for me, Mr. Macy?
MACY:
I certainly did, Mr. Sawyer. I brought my family to the toy department to see our Santy Claus, and our Santy Claus isn't there. He's in Bellevue!
SAWYER:
Yes, Mr. Macy.
MACY:
Because he's a lunatic!
SAWYER:
Yes, sir, a lunatic.
MACY:
Lunatic, my foot. Now you listen to me, Sawyer. You get that case dropped right away -- or you'll have another lump to match the one he gave you.
SAWYER:
But it's out of my hands. Mr. Kringle goes to court in the morning.
MACY:
Well, just see that he's back in the toy department by afternoon. Now get out of here!
SAWYER:
Oh, Mr. Gailey! Mr. Gailey!
FRED:
Yes?
SAWYER:
I've been looking all over for you. I'm Mr. Sawyer.
FRED:
Oh. So you're Sawyer.
SAWYER:
Yes, I, uh, I was just speaking to the court clerk and he said you represent Mr. Kringle. Heh heh. Well, I represent Mr. Macy.
FRED:
Oh, then I'll see you in court.
SAWYER:
Oh, no. Heh heh. That's what I wanted to speak to you about. Now, Mr. Macy would like to drop the whole case right now. You see, we're most anxious to avoid any publicity.
FRED:
No publicity, huh?
SAWYER:
Mm.
FRED:
Well, that's very interesting.
SAWYER:
Oh, then you'll cooperate?
FRED:
You know something, Sawyer? You've just given me the idea I've been searching for.
SAWYER:
Oh good, good.
FRED:
If I'm gonna win this case, I'm going to have to have public opinion and plenty of it. And publicity's just the way to do it. Thanks. (MOVING OFF) And, uh, so long Mr. Sawyer.
SAWYER:
Mr. Gailey-- But, Mr. Gailey!
FRED:
Look at these newspapers, Kris. Here. Evening Dispatch. "Doctors Doubt Sanity of Santa who Launched Goodwill Campaign."
KRIS:
Oh, my.
FRED:
Daily Bulletin. "Macy's Santa Claus to Have Lunacy Hearing."
KRIS:
Mm. What's this one?
FRED:
The New York Express.
KRIS:
"Is Kris Kringle Crazy? Court Case Coming -- Kiddies Cry Calamity."
FRED:
You've driven the United Nations clear back to page five. Well, get a good night's sleep, Kris. We go before Judge Harper at ten tomorrow morning.